I wouldn't deny.A lot of things have shattered a great deal of confidence in me.Filled me up with a mindless nauseous hatred which which remain bottled up inside and refuse to go away.I wake up at night,feeling scared,worry gnawing at the back of my head.Worrying about trivial matters which even a few months back didnt affect me the way they do now.This worrying stiffles me,chokes me,as I am left wondering what would happen if so-and-so happened.A hell lot of confidence is gone.The remnants are often shaken with bleak thoughts of various possibilities.I realise with a shock just how much I dont want the present to go away.And I feel weak,stupid,hateful,scared but cannot cry because you're not allowed to cry in this house.There's no time.no room for bleak emotions.