Of all the metros I have visited,I think I'd like to live in Bangalore.or Hyderabad.not Chennai.Because Chennai is hot and humid and I don't like Chennai food.Well,if I live in a city,I won't be eating out everyday.But still,I don't like Chennai food.or the weather.It's a tad too sticky or grimy,even by Kolkata standards.(With due respect to all my relatives and friends and other people I don't know living in Chennai.It's not that I don't like your city.I just don't like the weather.The sweat makes the clothes stick to my body like a permanent sticking plaster.and the food.don't get me started on this).I like Delhi.But I wouldn't like to live there.No idea why.(Okay.please ignore my babbling)

But I like Bangalore.I like the buzz,the pace of life.I figured I like fast-paced cities.Now,don't get me wrong.It's not like I like to lead a very fast life with 'no time to stand and stare'.I just like the idea of a fast-paced city.Where nobody's lazy or slouching,nobody's busy being a fatalist,or involved in petty squabbles round-the-clock.Everybody's doing something to eke out a living.That's one of the things about the ambience of Park Street that charms me.The buzz,the life,the verve.The cars zapping by.The bridge,glowing in evening lights,the roads illumianted,the traffic,the busy pedestrians,everybody walking,talking,working.....That's what I really like about Bangalore.apart from the fact that it houses IISc.and that it's rightfullt called India's Sillicon Valley(or something like that).And that it's a corporate hub.And that it's so damn full of life.I like the feel of Bangalore.

Hyderabad is a bit slow-paced compared to B'lore.But,it's the darling of a city,with a very lovely Lumbini Park,overlooking the Hussain Sagar and an essesntially nondescript Secunderabad which however looks beautiful in the evening with twinkling citylights bordering the Lake on its side(think of Mumbai Queen's Necklace and you'll know).And the gigantic Buddha statue in the heart of the lake looks ethereal in the mellow glow of the setting sun and the artificial fluoroscent lights.There's a live band which plays atrocious music and people dance on the boats to entertain you.But all these somehow cannot somehow ruin the charm of the place.

I think the more fast-paced a citylife is,the more enjoyable is the leisure and chilling-out with friends and family.I'd hate to live in a city where life moves in a snail's pace.Such a place is decadent according to me.With no stories.No verve.I am not a very deep person or something if yo uknow what I mean.I cannot justify finding solace and comfort in loneliness or isolation.away from the city.The very thought of staying 'far from the madding crowd' scares me.This is why,I love places like Shimla or Gangtok or Kathmandu over Hee or someplace quiet like that,if I plan to go to the mountains.I need people around me all the time. They may be fighting,squabbling,arguing,bitching,but at least they're alive.I can scream and tell them to shut up if I feel like.

I wonder how do I tell loneliness screaming 'isolation' in my ears to 'shut up'.It won't react.And I,on the other hand,would end up feeling less human each day.

Some days are good

Some days are not.

So what?

Some days are good toh.

:).

Problems in life right now:
1> Inability to check BB usage

2>Which leads to inability to download Apple Safari 4,Mozilla Firefox, Opera,Limewire,uTorrent,VLC Media Player,WinRAR and other softwares I am dying to download.

3>Which makes my newly-formatted desktop look completely vacant.

4>Which makes it very difficult for me to work because the laptop where I use a data card gives me horrible download speed.

5>The heat.don't even get me started on this.

6>KKR's 'stellar' performance in the last match.and customary 'Ajanta Mendis'-bashing comments and discussions every-freaking-where.with brothers shaking their heads furiously and trying to make me understand the technical nitty-gritties of spinball and paceball.or something like that.

7>The semester.and Maths paper.of which I don't have more than half of the notes.

8>A diet plan failed horribly because of interference by people who keeps on insisting that I am not eating properly.

9>My hair.It's freaking long,thick,wild and refuses to be tamed by a single band or something.So it keeps on popping out of the braid in loose strands and makes a complete mess of itself.Not to mention the sweat and grime and discomfort it causes.

10>My freakish long hair again which I cannot cut just because my Mommy dear and my Grandma will not let me do so.Because they keep on insisting it is an asset(the sweat and the grime and the discomfort come as a package).and to make things worse,we keep on having these inane fights over it as if the heat isn't enough to drive us insane.

11>A certain 8085 microprocessor board diagram submission on Monday of which I have no clue as to where and how to start.I dont even have the software I need.There again,credit goes to the Calcuttatelephones BB usage checking service.
............
That is all. :).

I wouldn't deny.A lot of things have shattered a great deal of confidence in me.Filled me up with a mindless nauseous hatred which which remain bottled up inside and refuse to go away.I wake up at night,feeling scared,worry gnawing at the back of my head.Worrying about trivial matters which even a few months back didnt affect me the way they do now.This worrying stiffles me,chokes me,as I am left wondering what would happen if so-and-so happened.A hell lot of confidence is gone.The remnants are often shaken with bleak thoughts of various possibilities.I realise with a shock just how much I dont want the present to go away.And I feel weak,stupid,hateful,scared but cannot cry because you're not allowed to cry in this house.There's no time.no room for bleak emotions.

Wikipedia reminds me of my old Organic Chemistry book by I.L Finar. Every time you read a passage and try to grasp its meaning,it'd come up with suggestions like 'turn to page 223' or 'consult ozonolysis mechanism' etc. And the same pattern is followed elsewhere in the book.So basically you start studying something and end up in the midst of something quite different.Same thing happened to me a few minutes back.I started studying about Bayesian Probability Theorem and ended up in a page about Nazi secret societies.occultism,their infamous Die Glocke etc.
Black Order is a fantastic book,1000 times better than Sandstorm,which although presents accurate facts on Arabian history and the physics behind antimatter,has a very bizarre,supernaturalish(sic) climax which I'm sure won't go down well with most readers.(at least not with me).The kind of stories with apocalyptic climax which were a rage in our pre-teens and teens but surely not now.And I still didn't buy the whole deal about asexual reproduction in humans although the author tried to sound very convincing.I mean,the Rahims(Arabian tribe,descendants of the Queen of Sheba,the Queen of the lost city of Ubar),if they were truly capable of performing asexual reproduction,the environmental changes would ave wiped them out owing to natural selection and lack of variation.And Arabia is quite infamous for its ever-changing climatic patterns.But Black Order is different-merging facts with a gripping,fastpaced storyline.Although the author seems to have a fetish for a little too much of bullets(almost every chapter ends with an anonymous killer spraying a shot of bullets on unsuspecting people),it's a great read.But th ebest part about it is that I have fallen in love with biology-the genome studies,protein sequence,evolution theory,biophysics et all.4 years ago if I had read this book,I'd have surely taken up bio in class 11-12 and not flunked it.
Dear Mr James Rollins(if you ever read this,though the likelihood is few...my knowledge of probability amounts to this only),Thank you for Black Order.And for helping me overcome my fear and dislike of Biology.

The present is good.very good.like a lovely soothing breeze after a gruelling summer.The human touch.The love,care,friendship,fun,laughter...the togetherness,the practicality,reality and looking at it optimistically.The present is like a healing touch,a promise,a reason to feel grounded,good,inspired,stay focussed and look ahead.To smile,speak,laugh without inhibitions and nagging worries at the back of the mind.The fiery determination to see the good.No nets.no weird preassumptions,where others' opinions are respected and listened to.where there are no forceful impostions,no judgement passing etcetera.

After a really long time,I am at peace of mind.

It's 8 in the morning.I am just back from swimming.A lot of water went into my ears today when I tried back-paddling.I lost balance half-way through the pool and nearly drowned.Clutched somebody's shoulders and took her down with me!Turned out it was poor Shaili!She was furious though she pretended to be concerned.Back-paddling is a thing I am hopeless at.I can do freestyle,dolphin-stroke and all but never back-paddling.I was knocked out completely for a while.Inderjeet Aunty slapped me a few times to get the water out of the ears.She's so tall and hatta-katta that I felt knocked out again after being slapped.Wonder how Tanveer and Anupreet feel like if they're ever beaten up(I don't think they're ever.They're such nice and sweet little kids)
Tanveer is a 5ft 8".I thought she was in college and had a real babyface.Turned out she's just given her class 10 boards.I was so pissed at myself that day.It feels weird to have someone that tall calling you "Didi" and "aap" when you're like 5"! But she's a nice girl.She's been desperately trying to teach me back-paddling for the past 3 days to no avail.Deep down,she probaly thinks I'm a hopeless nutcase.But hah! I can swim faster and further in one breath than her! *gloats*. Another person I'm good friends with is Anupreet,her sister.She's a real sweetheart.We do our freestyle practices together.And often act like pros and try back-paddling,clinging to the iron rods for dear life! Also made friends with Pooja and two other girls whose names I don't know yet.For some reason,people think I'm a Punjabi! Some said it's because of my hair! I love to point out to these people that I am not tall.I'd love to be tall.But I am not.Some lady in the club started speaking to me in terrible Hindi that day.And I replied..pat..in Bengali.pure,unaccented Bengali.First reaction..."Oh! tumi ki bhalo Bangla bolo!!"...When I patiently replied that I am a Bengali,she was so surprised......"oh..tumi Bangali...ami toh chul dekhe bhablam tumi Punjabi...." heehee!
Swimming is fun.It's good to be back in the pool after such a loong time!And what's more,I drive everyday to the club.So that means more driving for me apart from the regular "drop-your-mother-at-the-dentist" driving I usually do.But Calcutta roads....man! (will elaborate on this some other day)
Au revoir.

How do you convince someone that though you don't really like something he/she has bought for you,it doesn't mean you don't like him/her or doesn't respect his/her decision to do so for you?..sounds naive no? this seems to be one of those questions to which I never find an answer.Okay,I like/love someone really really a lot.But that doesn't mean I have to like every single thing he/she gets for me.This doesn't translate to hypocrisy.or the opposite of gratitude(what is it?I have forgotten.).No.gratitude is not the word.It should be...i don't know what.But you get me right?

The thing is suppose someone buys something for you which you don't like.You cannot explain to him/her that you don't like it because that would be a very rude thing to do.So you smile and accept it.And then after sometime,you grow out of tolerance with it(not love/liking,because you've never liked it).And you hardly use it.(you're human.not a winged-and-haloed angel)Then the person who's given that thing to you accuses

you don't like it anymore....it's such a wastage......

which leads to

you have changed a lot...this reflects in your attitude towards life......

which automatically leads to

you want everything that attracts you....your generation is a use-them-and-throw-them type.It shows in your lifestyle.You hang out with someone today..then go after someone else the next day...you don't have mental peace....you're never satisfied.....when we were your age,we had less but we were happier..............

Dear people-who-say-this,

I'd love to point out that

1>yes,we the young-uns might be a high-spending demographic nowadays,but that doesn't make us shallow/unhappy/dissatisfied or something like that.

2>we don't change our partners because we're the use-them-and-throw-them types.we do because we definitely a more concrete reason that that. well,mostly.

3>we don't want everything that attracts us.

a) we are not rolling in cash.

b) we are not like that.

We indulge ourselves a lot.yes we do.And we don't think that's wrong,because we have only one life,and every single person has a right to be happy and enjoy it to the fullest.We don't consider living our lives in a complete rut a way to happiness and satisfaction.We think that it's an escapist mentality.

But we do know where to draw the line.We save and then spend.We do not treat ourselves as money-producing-and-spending machines.When we buy something that we like,it does not mean we go crazy buying everything that we want.And when we don't use something,it doesn't mean we have grown out of it.It means we never liked it much,but gave in due to certain reasons,foremost among them being behaving decently.I,for one,would never stop using something I really like.take it as you mean.

You expect me to like everything that you buy for me.You want me to tell you if I don't like it.You are hurt if I actually do so.You think I am another exponent of the 'fast-and-high-living' generation X(to quote someone........whatever that means..).You blame me for being so.And then when I make a slip and do something wrong,you accuse me.

That makes you nothing.But does that make me a hypocrite entirely?

DISCLAIMER: this is NOT an attention-seeking post.merely the tumultous thoughts of a jobless soul.

I just figured out that I'm not very photogenic.Most of my pictures look retarded.Either I am sticking my tongue out,or rolling my eyes,or distorting my face or I have simply refused to look at the camera point-blank by closing my eyes.And my hair looks frizzy,the kohl(if any) is smudged,the dress is crumpled-all in all I look freakishly grungy-not cool-grungy.grungy-grungy.If you know what I mean.

I have tried to keep my face normal,smile without baring my teeth and look at the camera.End result? I look drunk/sleepy/scared/high/silly. My hair is still sticking out and my face is a cross between a half-smile and a drunken expression.the kohl is smudged making me look like the wicked mother-in-laws of the soaps(but I bet,I look scarier).

I have also tried changing the ambience,mood,posture,location and every other feasibile aspect but just ended up with nothing worthwhile.So I conclude I am not photogenic.This is a matter of perspective.Many people may find me photogenic(hic..hic).I just don't.I look chubby,drunk,sleepy and in short,weird.

Blah!